Books

You know we as stepmoms can feel as though we are going pree-tee crazy sometimes. So what do you do when this happens???? Well there are different answers to each time. A few weeks ago on this one particular time I had my husband (we were actually out on a date) drive me over to Borders so I could find a comforting, self-help book on the how to of "step-mom-ing it." I was desperate, I needed get help before I went mad.

I was disappointed!!! They only had a couple of blended family books, and only ONE book on step moms? :( Like I said I was desperate, I didn't care what the book was about, it just needed to be about something to do with stepmoms. I had an overwhelming need relate to any woman who has been through this. It could have been any of the following title and I would have bought it. How to cook like a stepmom, Stepmoms need not worry, How to go crazy- A day in the life of a stepmom, Knitting for stepmoms, Drinking...How to get through the stepmom years, The best way to feel under-appreciated and alienated in your home!- Be a Stepmom!.

So I bought the book, "the Courage to be a Step-mom." I am almost finished with it. It's good but I expected a little more. It has the basis of "I did it so you should be able to do it" but I wanted to hear specifics about the "it". I need to hear more specifics on what other steps are doing and not doing, what works and what doesn't work. Sue Thoele does a good job of cheering you on, but I want more of how to "play the game".
So over at The DHX I found this book! It's called "that's not what I meant." I can not wait to read it. This is more of what I need right now. I need to be able to communicate most effectively right now and I feel like I can do better.

Dawn hits the nail on the head.

Over at The StepfamilyLife, Dawn, articulates (so well) what happens to the child when their other parent is being dissed.

When you speak poorly about your child’s other parent, you are hurting that child’s self-worth. How can a child look in the mirror and see a reflection of both his parents inter-mingled - and hear someone saying bad things - and not have a poor self-image or feel conflicted?

She writes straight to the point about how the kids literally feel the way their parents are treated. It reflects back to them, and that is how they see themselves. This is the very basis upon which they define their personal character. And this is a character above all that we must nurture.

Do you tell your s-kids you love them??

I fell in love with my H's kids a few months after I fell in love with him. It was easy. They are truly amazing people. Loving, kind, generous and affectionate are just a few words to describe them.

In the beginning-

The oldest was more cautious of me. And let me know it. He did not talk much and was very shy. This did not surprise me in the least. I totally got where he was coming from and let him make the pace for our growing relationship. However, after about six months into our relationship I started to ask him if I could hug him? He seemed a little surprised at first, but when I started doing it on a regular basis, I could tell he liked the attention and it made him a bit more happier. And then I started telling him that I loved him. The first time I said it to him he seemed shocked, and embarrassed. I told him that he does not have to tell me back and that if he feels like telling me then and only then can he tell me. But I told him that I really just wanted him to know that I really did love him and that I really like him.
Since then, he has said it back to me a few times, which has totally blown me away..... It is getting a little bit easier.

The younger two, I tell them I love them a little more often that the oldest. And I tell them a few times during the week we have them that I love them. Sometimes they say it back sometimes they don't. It doesn't matter for me to hear it from them. But it is important for me to tell them. I know they love me. And it is extremely difficult for them to tell me, this I get and this I understand. And they know I understand. But the times they do say it back or out of the blue........It melts me. It turn my heart into jello.

So do you tell yours that you love them? How often? Just wondering...