This is what happened- Beware this is long.

I emailed ex about several things. My H added his imput to it and he changed a couple of things and then we sent it. She emailed back and then we emailed back again. Ours in italic, hers in bold.

Also when reading this please understand that our responses were in fact quite harsh. We know this. But remember you all haven't seen all of her other horrible crazy emails, some up to thirty a day. She is a writer. She writes extremely well! But we have documentation of her actually making fun of me as a "mean-girl" because she heard I used to be a cheerleader. All of this is insane including me taking the bait. Why in the HELL do I even try to engage with her????????????oh well carry on.

We explained her daughter's new found enthusiasm for tumbling (she has been taking for six weeks) And daughter inquiring if she could take another class (to learn how to cheer)? Told her what classes were offered and told her our stance on the issue. Step-Daughter has been doing Hunter Jumper horses for the past seven years (none of which we can afford) We pay a set fee to the trainer(who is ex's friend) a month, b/c the trainer will not tell us how much anything is. Our stance was that SD has to drop riding or acting (which she is also pursuing) in order to add another class.

I am going to speak to SD about adding another tumbling class, but I am leaning toward "no" for a variety of reasons. Just as I wouldn't find certain other activities useful or worthwhile, I don't really have any interest in my daughter doing any sort of organized cheerleading type of thing. I didn't raise my daughter to be a cheerleader. When she's older, she can make more of these decisions for herself, but for now, that's not an activity that meshes with my values as I want to impart them to her. However, I want to get her complete and honest input and then I will make a final decision.

(Just to make sure that SD knew that it was not going to be easy to tell her Mom her feelings. I wanted her to really hear how strongly her mom felt about the issue. Hence I did not want her to get her expectations set too high. I showed her this part of the email.)

As far as "I didn't raise my daughter to be a cheerleader" we assume you are joking when you say that. We need to raise our daughter to be herself & do all we can to nurture her ability to be comfortable being the person she's ultimately meant to be.

since step-mom shared with SD the contents of the private e-mail addressed to you - that it's true i do not want SD to do competitive cheerleading. of course i want SD to be her own person, but with SD i get lots of say over helping to mold who that person will be. cheerleading is an activity that has many negatives, and is reflective of a culture i don't want her involved now.

When sending an email to our family account (which is where we receive all emails about the kids) it is not just "to me". It is not private. For you to say it is private are your wishes but not what is realistic. It is communication that needs to be open and shared. There is nothing you need to speak to me about in private that we can not include our spouses on. You may directing it only "to me" but we all see it and all read it. And if need be, we will allow the kids to read it if they have questions about what any parent said. We have nothing to hide from them we just want to make sure we are all on the same page. As to not have any confusion about what the other parent said. If you do not want anyone to see it I suggest you keeping it to yourself.

As far as negatives are concerned with cheer leading- Every organized sport has it own negatives. But if you want to talk values and sports the negative connotations strapped to them, we can go head -to-head all day long on that one! And we will start our debate with the negative of the other sports our children are currently pursuing. But I for one do not want to go there. Our one and only concern is that our children find out what they want to do, and get the chance to do it. Life is too short to pass these thing by. Period. Then hopefully, after a while they will try their damnest at it and do well. If we believed all of the negative connotations that are attached to every sport our children want to play then they do not need to play any!
Bottom line is SD wants to have a shot at this tumbling and cheerleading thing. And she does not want to disappoint you because YOU don't like it.

We all understand you not liking it and you having negative ideas about it. It is based on nothing of your own experience. Other than the fact you were not one, and the way "mean girls" treated you in high school. It is based on one of hear-say or of grandiose ideas. But that does not help the fact that SD wants to give this ago-. She is good and has been working really hard on this!

-when she is in high school, if she wants to be part of her school's cheerleading squad because she both enjoys the activity and has a lot of school spirit, that's different. but competitive cheerleading for little girls is a bit like childhood beauty pageants, in my opinion, and i wouldn't let her get involved in those either, even if she really wanted to. but this is all a moot point anyway, since she said she has no interest and is quite happy with the schedule she has at the moment. and speaking of tumbling, i am still unclear how and how much i am supposed to pay for my part of the monthly cost. can you clarify? thanks.

"Step-mom" has emailed you to explain many times of how and what you are to pay at tumbling. She was not lying when she emailed about it. Nor was she trying to pull one over on you. I will reiterate what she has said, because we want you to feel better about how the information is getting to you. And because we have nothing better to do then to answer the questions you ask over and over.

Again the information is...............................If this is not clear we suggest you call the Tumbling place their number is 555-5555.

And actually this was the fifth time she has been given this information.

I was unaware that all e-mail I send you is available for the children to read. This is important information and will certainly change the way I correspond with you, as there are certain conversations that are obviously only appropriate for adults.

Again, your decisions of what to do when the children are with you on your parenting time are your own. As are mine. We will leave it at that. We clearly have some differences of opinion. I would be willing to return to co-parenting counseling - with you- with a therapist of your choice at any time. I welcome any opportunity to improve the relationship you and I have as parents to our children.

Lastly, I am aware that "step-mom" wrote this e-mail because she is unable to properly punctuate.

Yes we both wrote the email. We were not trying to hide that fact especially since we both signed it. And yes "step-mom" is unable to properly punctuate. And she has a difficult time with her spelling, too. Writing is definitely not her strong point.

Have a good night.

This last nasty, petty, insulting e-mail from your wife was the last one I will tolerate . I have no legal or ethical obligation to deal directly with anyone but you, , regarding any matter related to our children. I shared the e-mail your wife sent me earlier tonight with my attorney, point by point, and he agreed it was inappropriate on any number of levels. starting with the fact that the two of you refer to the children as "our children" (I suggest "step-mom" give birth if she wishes to have her own children). (And by the way, my H wrote this part, talking about their children as his and hers, not his and mine????? WTF???? If she even knew me she would know there is no way I would say that to her.) He also agreed with me that co-parents should have a method of adult communication that does not include the possibility of children sharing in the exchange, and I have a right to expect such a mode of communication with my child's co-parent.

I have voluntarily done everything within my legal power to facilitate an equal, cooperative and shared parenting relationship with you,. I look forward to improved relations with you in this regard. But I have NO LEGAL OBLIGATION to share parenting or parenting communications with anyone but you, including your wife or your parents .

As you have blocked all e-mail access to you directly, I am left with no option but to ask that you not contact me via e-mail from the -mail address which you/your wife indicated earlier tonight is not a private e-mail address, but one I can expect will be read by everyone in your family, including our children.

Instead, please contact me one of several ways:

-E-mail my attorney and he will forward the e-mails to me.

- Call me on the telephone so we can speak privately and directly as co-parents without concern of other people being involved, especially our children when it is not appropriate

-Send me a certified letter to my home or office address.

-Any communications from your attorney need to go directly to my attorney, not to me.

Direct e-mail is no longer a reasonable form of communication for us.

I also want to reiterate that my desire is to have a better co-parenting relationship with you,. Toward that end, I suggest we return to co-parenting counseling with a therapist of your choice at a weekly time of your choosing. Please let me know via one of the methods outlined above if you wish to undertake counseling together with me.

SO-

We can not talk with her!??? She is horrible on the phone! Mean, loud, and rude. I can not hold my pen when it comes to this woman. But I do. I know for a fact I will not be able to hold my tongue. You are just getting an example of the worst email we have sent back and forth. And believe me if you knew the things we knew, you would have thought us to be nice!!! And plus we want everything documented. There is also the fact that she can not be reached more than half of the time by phone?

So we are in a dilemma. What to do? What to do?

yep.

I love to say...................... DAMN!



That is all. Continue as before.

I don't want to dance for her.

My H and his ex wife had a nasty divorce (four years ago)

They both were at fault. Then she publicly ruined his name and his character by writing false stories about him and their divorce. And this was until last March(at which time she had already remarried.) After letting her know on countless times that this was not appropriate behavior (the kids could read about it anytime they wanted) and that I documented everything- She finally took everything she had ever written about him and their divorce down from her site.

So not only being the "new" wife to her ex. I was also the thorn in her side by letting her know how damaging her writing (and comments left by others) is and can be to her children. And yes I am very well aware that this was not a smart move on my part b/c it did nothing but make her hate me more. But I would not change a thing. The kids do not need to read anything in that context about either of their parents. PERIOD.

The reasons she does not like me-

I married her ex (whom I think she still has a thing for)
I have and will call her out when her writing goes too far.
Her children like/love me.
She knows I care for her children.
She is aware that I do alot of the caring for the children when they are with us.
She knows I do a great job. (trust me, she knows)
She thinks I over step my boundaries as a step-parent.
She thinks I am too involved, and that I should be seen and not heard.

She thinks she does not have to talk to me. Which is fine and totally understandable! Most of us do not want to talk to someone we do not like. Especially the EX!!!

BUT here is the problem!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOUR of us. (Let's list them, alright.) FOUR of us, include bio-mom, bio-dad, step-mom, step-dad. The FOUR of us need to freakin communicate!!!!!
We all do our best. We all are responsible for these kids. We all need to know what is going on with these kids!!! WE ARE ALL RAISING THESE KIDS TOGETHER, But separately. We need to know what is going on.

Here is the funny reality, the ex would rather talk to a babysitter, or a coach, or a teacher or a great aunt twice removed from your father's side (? I just through that in there) . The ex would rather talk with anyone who does not have as much time raising these kids as I do- But to talk to me, the step-mom????? NEVER! Ha- the absurdity of this.

She wants to email only my husband. She wants to call only my husband. She wants to communicate with only my husband. Again that is fine......But the harsh reality is that we both work. We both have 10,000,000 things to do and remember. My husband does not remember everything she tells him and when he doesn't remember or get it back to me she gets upset.??? When he doesn't remember I get upset b/c I have to change my schedule around and etc...
It just makes it more difficult to get the message to all parties -by telling one person, and then having that person tell the other and so on... It makes us feel like dancing.

We just want the information. All of us. As to communicate most effectively and plan as best as we can accordingly.

I do not want to dance for her. I just want to hear the damn music!!!!!!!!

Can you feel what I am saying??