When I talked with the kids about cleaning their rooms, I spoke many things. One of the terms I used was "half-ass". To do something "half-ass" means to do something less than one's ability. To not reach one's full potential. To do half.... of the full job. To put away "half" of one's clothes. To pick up only "half" of the trash in their rooms. To "half" way make their beds.
This is what I like to call a"half-ass" job.
I spoke with the kids about cleaning their rooms only "half-ass". And if they choose to engage in this practice then certain consequences beyond my control will take place.
For instance..............
"I will only drive them to their desired destinations only half way,"
"I will wash their clothes only half way," meaning all of their clothes will remain wet and meldewy from not being dried properly.
"I will cook their dinner only half-way", meaning all of their favorite dishes may not have the same taste as before.
"I will give them half of the money they are needing."
When they ask for anything, they need to understand that everything will be given in halves. I hope they don't have a problem with this. Because they are expecting us not to have a problem with all of their half-ass jobs!
They need to take me seriously because I do follow through with what I say. And they know it.
This next week (starting on Sunday) should be quite entertaining!!
Stay tuned....
February 29, 2008
February 28, 2008
Cursing, Cussing- Whatever you choose to call it.
We have a guideline that we try and to enforce in our house. If you are too upset to talk we will take a 5-10 or even 30 minute break until the person has calmed down. This is to insure that when we talk to each other, that we talk. Not yell, and not scream at one another. But talk.
We want to make sure that we are heard, and that the kids are heard. Because we all know that when we are YELLING, AND SCREAMING. NO ONE GETS HEARD- INSTEAD THE OTHER PERSON IS GETTING UPSET B/C NOW THEY NEED TO BE ON THE DEFENSE B/C SOMEONE IS YELLING AT THEM. (btw this was an example of me yelling- ha!) They listen to the yelling instead of what is actually being said. But we also use this guideline b/c we do not want them to learn how to say something that they actually don't mean. We know hurt people hurt people. And that their words can hurt others. So when they are upset they say things they don't mean. We are trying to avoid this before it begins.
My Husband and I do try to set the example but damn if we(I) don't fail.
So here's the thing-
During this last week we(I) had asked them to clean their rooms- (they know to do this every Sunday before going back over Mom's) and they were just not "getting on it" About a couple of hours before my H takes them back over mom's I ask them to meet me in the dining room. (H had left to run an errand we usually do it together but I thought I could handle this.)
I waited for about 15 minutes before talking with them- as to clear my head and gather my thoughts ( I even wrote them down as to not to forget anything)
I talk to them about the differences in "our" part and "their" part. You know the "Have-to's".
Ours- to go to work, make money, pay mortgage, pay cable, pay electricity, go grocery shopping, cook break-fast/dinner, drive whomever to and fro, and to clean up after ourselves, etc...
Theirs- to go to school, to make at least a C-average, to clean up after themselves.
But they are not getting the clean up after themselves part?
So I ask them some questions-
Do you want us to buy the groceries, cook the meals and also clean up after you?
Do you want us to buy the clothes, and clean the clothes and pick them up after you?
(my adrenaline is starting to rise a little)
Do you want us to provide the beds/pillows, and clean the sheets, and then make your bed for you?
Do you think you should clean our bedroom? Why then do you think we should clean your bedroom??
(My voice is getting a little louder, and my adrenaline is pumping more)
Do you want to clean where we bathe? But then you want us to clean where you bathe?
Do you want to clean where we take a shit? But you want us to clean where you take a shit?
(auh-oh Ooooh, This is not good. I am about to looose it................- Damn it!!!)
WHAT THE FUCK!!! You guys need to get your asses in there and CLEAN YOUR SHIT! It is not our place to CLEAN YOUR SHIT! IT IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE!!!
I think I cussed a little more................. and then it was over. Never ever have I had such a mouth on me. For the life of me I don't know where it is coming from. So yes I cussed and yes I asked them these questions!!!
Yes, I cussed a little wee bit! My adrenaline shot up and I was pissed!! Bad me. Bad example.
and yes I have done this a couple of times and let me tell you that I am feel terrible about it. And embarrassed. But mostly horrified at myself. Time to apologize yet again.
I can do better than this. Really I can.
We want to make sure that we are heard, and that the kids are heard. Because we all know that when we are YELLING, AND SCREAMING. NO ONE GETS HEARD- INSTEAD THE OTHER PERSON IS GETTING UPSET B/C NOW THEY NEED TO BE ON THE DEFENSE B/C SOMEONE IS YELLING AT THEM. (btw this was an example of me yelling- ha!) They listen to the yelling instead of what is actually being said. But we also use this guideline b/c we do not want them to learn how to say something that they actually don't mean. We know hurt people hurt people. And that their words can hurt others. So when they are upset they say things they don't mean. We are trying to avoid this before it begins.
My Husband and I do try to set the example but damn if we(I) don't fail.
So here's the thing-
During this last week we(I) had asked them to clean their rooms- (they know to do this every Sunday before going back over Mom's) and they were just not "getting on it" About a couple of hours before my H takes them back over mom's I ask them to meet me in the dining room. (H had left to run an errand we usually do it together but I thought I could handle this.)
I waited for about 15 minutes before talking with them- as to clear my head and gather my thoughts ( I even wrote them down as to not to forget anything)
I talk to them about the differences in "our" part and "their" part. You know the "Have-to's".
Ours- to go to work, make money, pay mortgage, pay cable, pay electricity, go grocery shopping, cook break-fast/dinner, drive whomever to and fro, and to clean up after ourselves, etc...
Theirs- to go to school, to make at least a C-average, to clean up after themselves.
But they are not getting the clean up after themselves part?
So I ask them some questions-
Do you want us to buy the groceries, cook the meals and also clean up after you?
Do you want us to buy the clothes, and clean the clothes and pick them up after you?
(my adrenaline is starting to rise a little)
Do you want us to provide the beds/pillows, and clean the sheets, and then make your bed for you?
Do you think you should clean our bedroom? Why then do you think we should clean your bedroom??
(My voice is getting a little louder, and my adrenaline is pumping more)
Do you want to clean where we bathe? But then you want us to clean where you bathe?
Do you want to clean where we take a shit? But you want us to clean where you take a shit?
(auh-oh Ooooh, This is not good. I am about to looose it................- Damn it!!!)
WHAT THE FUCK!!! You guys need to get your asses in there and CLEAN YOUR SHIT! It is not our place to CLEAN YOUR SHIT! IT IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE!!!
I think I cussed a little more................. and then it was over. Never ever have I had such a mouth on me. For the life of me I don't know where it is coming from. So yes I cussed and yes I asked them these questions!!!
Yes, I cussed a little wee bit! My adrenaline shot up and I was pissed!! Bad me. Bad example.
and yes I have done this a couple of times and let me tell you that I am feel terrible about it. And embarrassed. But mostly horrified at myself. Time to apologize yet again.
I can do better than this. Really I can.
February 26, 2008
These are some of the reasons we do not get along
Most of these I know I should get over but it makes me remember what kind of person she is. And the fact is no matter how nice she can seem to be she can be as equally cruel.
1. She has a blog (it gets a lot of traffic) and has used this blog to bash my H and his character. She has allowed other people to say negative things about him on this blog and that is not the worst of it. What gets me is the fact that the children were able to read this blog and her response has been "I have never written anything that my children can't read" ?????????????? WTF!!!!!!!!!!! So you are saying you want the children to read about their father's character being mutilated on the lies that you have provided??????????
2. She got engaged about 2 months before our wedding(yeah her!)- So she planned their wedding three weeks before my H and I were to get married???? Three weeks. This didn't bother me so much. But what bothered me is the fact the kids were going through enough changes at that time. They did not need anymore. In fact one of the kids therapist's told us, "do not change anything else right now, he needs major stability!" (we didn't even move into a new house for almost a year later because of this statement)
3. They move into a new home the month they are married. A month after she is married, they conceive. A month later she has a miscarriage :( A month later she is pregnant again.
(Please do not get me wrong when I list these things, they are wonderful(except the miscarriage) things to have and to go through and they should have all of that and more!!!) But what I am saying is, In my opinion, when children are involved we need to be considerate of their feelings. And be cautious of the changes we bring upon them.
4. I know she did love my H when we got married, and I think she still does. She needs to realize that I am my Husband's wife and not her. I think she thinks her feelings and urgency is more important than mine. (This statement is backed up by many actions)
5. She will not acknowledge me hardly at all. (and not that is says she has too) I take extreme great care of her most prized possessions when they are in my home. And it does hurt my feelings when she wont acknowledge anything that I have done for her and the children.
It's funny most people would be grateful to another person who was guarding their wedding ring, their house, or even the $1,000,000.oo they had laying around. But we as stepmoms can't even get a nod or a pat on the back. But I am in love with these kids so I can easily get over this one.
6. She will only want me to talk to her when she has asked me something or when she emails to ask me something(rare). As to anything else I am not to respond or email when it concerns her talking to my Husband, even if I know the answer to the question and my Husband doesn't. And even if I have the time and my Husband doesn't.
But we normally ignore this request.
7. When she is being a smart-ass. I am one right back! I do not think she likes this. She doesn't seem to know what to do next. And yes, you're right, I should not do this. But just because she is the mother to my step-children doesn't mean she gets to dish what-ever it is out, without being able to take some back.
This is all for now. It is only the beginning- but it's a good start.
1. She has a blog (it gets a lot of traffic) and has used this blog to bash my H and his character. She has allowed other people to say negative things about him on this blog and that is not the worst of it. What gets me is the fact that the children were able to read this blog and her response has been "I have never written anything that my children can't read" ?????????????? WTF!!!!!!!!!!! So you are saying you want the children to read about their father's character being mutilated on the lies that you have provided??????????
2. She got engaged about 2 months before our wedding(yeah her!)- So she planned their wedding three weeks before my H and I were to get married???? Three weeks. This didn't bother me so much. But what bothered me is the fact the kids were going through enough changes at that time. They did not need anymore. In fact one of the kids therapist's told us, "do not change anything else right now, he needs major stability!" (we didn't even move into a new house for almost a year later because of this statement)
3. They move into a new home the month they are married. A month after she is married, they conceive. A month later she has a miscarriage :( A month later she is pregnant again.
(Please do not get me wrong when I list these things, they are wonderful(except the miscarriage) things to have and to go through and they should have all of that and more!!!) But what I am saying is, In my opinion, when children are involved we need to be considerate of their feelings. And be cautious of the changes we bring upon them.
4. I know she did love my H when we got married, and I think she still does. She needs to realize that I am my Husband's wife and not her. I think she thinks her feelings and urgency is more important than mine. (This statement is backed up by many actions)
5. She will not acknowledge me hardly at all. (and not that is says she has too) I take extreme great care of her most prized possessions when they are in my home. And it does hurt my feelings when she wont acknowledge anything that I have done for her and the children.
It's funny most people would be grateful to another person who was guarding their wedding ring, their house, or even the $1,000,000.oo they had laying around. But we as stepmoms can't even get a nod or a pat on the back. But I am in love with these kids so I can easily get over this one.
6. She will only want me to talk to her when she has asked me something or when she emails to ask me something(rare). As to anything else I am not to respond or email when it concerns her talking to my Husband, even if I know the answer to the question and my Husband doesn't. And even if I have the time and my Husband doesn't.
But we normally ignore this request.
7. When she is being a smart-ass. I am one right back! I do not think she likes this. She doesn't seem to know what to do next. And yes, you're right, I should not do this. But just because she is the mother to my step-children doesn't mean she gets to dish what-ever it is out, without being able to take some back.
This is all for now. It is only the beginning- but it's a good start.
February 25, 2008
Making Meeeeeeeeez
Go to http://meez.com it is da bomb!!!
Fun stuff they got over there. I made myself over there on the left. My Husband is cooking in the background while two of the kids hang-out. I am supposed to be moving around a little more than that. Not sure why she is not in"chillin" mode like she ought-ta. For entertainment purposes, I may have to make me dance later on in the day :)
Seriously though. Check it out.
Fun stuff they got over there. I made myself over there on the left. My Husband is cooking in the background while two of the kids hang-out. I am supposed to be moving around a little more than that. Not sure why she is not in"chillin" mode like she ought-ta. For entertainment purposes, I may have to make me dance later on in the day :)
Seriously though. Check it out.
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