It is about 2:00 in the morning and I need to go to sleep. I am trying to get everyone ready for our long weekend trip tomorrow but I'm still not done.
The kids are supposed to be with their Mom this weekend but they found out we (the husband and meself) are heading down to see my parents in Florida, and the younger ones want to tag along! This makes me happy that they want to go but on the other hand it also makes me sad. Happy because anytime the kids want to go with us to visit my parents we are all for it. Sad because I really wanted to spend some one-on-one time with the hubby. Oh well such is the life of a stepmom.
It does amaze me though... that the kids are so accepting and fond of my family. When I was younger, I did not want to go anywhere with my stepmom's family. I did not want to visit them. I did not want them to come over. I did not want to spend time with them. It did not matter, I wanted no part of it. This was not my family, so why should I have to act as though they are?
But my stepkids- Damn. They are the most loving, kind, happy-go-lucky people I know. As young kids they continue to amaze me everyday. So full of love and acceptance. Words can not describe how much I love them.
Must get back to work......................................................... then go to sleep.
February 14, 2008
February 13, 2008
A Valentine's tradition
In the beginning of the school year I had asked the two younger kids how they felt about me signing up for a couple of their in-school parties given throughout the year? (I knew from the way they talked that their mom had not done this in quite some time) They were both said Yeah, but the youngest was the more excited of the two. So after talking with my Parents, and my husband, we decided it would be alright if I signed up for a few of the class parties for the youngest. Yes, I do go to my parents for advice especially advice of the step-parenting rhelm.
During the open house, I saw their mom walking around the room signing up for the parties. When she left I went to see which ones she signed up for....Christmas and that was all. They needed people for the Halloween and Valentine parties so I signed on for those.
Last week I did not get a call from the homeroom mom to touch base with me about the party???....I thought she is probably busy and will get in touch with me this week? Nope.
Unfortunately the Ex saw fit to call and add herself to this party and take my name off???
What? Can she do this?-
I did not say anything to anyone nor am I going to. It is childish and immature. And it is alright. But if she knew the reasons I want to be involved maybe she would treat me a-bit differently.
Here are the reasons-
1. It is not about us. It is about them.
2. Kids love to see someone they know involved in their class projects. They feel more secure and supported.
3. He wants me to be there.
4. I want to be able to put a face with the names of his friends when he comes home and talks about them.
5. He is at my home 50% of the time (and sometimes more).
6. I want to get to know the parents.
For the past couple of years I have made Valentine's day cookies for my step-kids and their classmates. We make it a big thing of it. We go to the store and get different color frosting, and decorations. Then we come home and they completely mess up the kitchen. I do most of the baking, and they do most of the eating of the cookie dough. They do most of the decorating and I do packaging.
Well this year they are not with us. They are at their mom's. They asked if I would still make the cookies. Of course I'll still make the cookies- have you all gone mad? It is a tradition in this house! I will bring them to your classes first thing Thursday morning.
So tomorrow I am going to drop off the cookies to be had at their party. The only thing I can say is I hope the Ex enjoys them!!!
During the open house, I saw their mom walking around the room signing up for the parties. When she left I went to see which ones she signed up for....Christmas and that was all. They needed people for the Halloween and Valentine parties so I signed on for those.
Last week I did not get a call from the homeroom mom to touch base with me about the party???....I thought she is probably busy and will get in touch with me this week? Nope.
Unfortunately the Ex saw fit to call and add herself to this party and take my name off???
What? Can she do this?-
I did not say anything to anyone nor am I going to. It is childish and immature. And it is alright. But if she knew the reasons I want to be involved maybe she would treat me a-bit differently.
Here are the reasons-
1. It is not about us. It is about them.
2. Kids love to see someone they know involved in their class projects. They feel more secure and supported.
3. He wants me to be there.
4. I want to be able to put a face with the names of his friends when he comes home and talks about them.
5. He is at my home 50% of the time (and sometimes more).
6. I want to get to know the parents.
For the past couple of years I have made Valentine's day cookies for my step-kids and their classmates. We make it a big thing of it. We go to the store and get different color frosting, and decorations. Then we come home and they completely mess up the kitchen. I do most of the baking, and they do most of the eating of the cookie dough. They do most of the decorating and I do packaging.
Well this year they are not with us. They are at their mom's. They asked if I would still make the cookies. Of course I'll still make the cookies- have you all gone mad? It is a tradition in this house! I will bring them to your classes first thing Thursday morning.
So tomorrow I am going to drop off the cookies to be had at their party. The only thing I can say is I hope the Ex enjoys them!!!
February 12, 2008
FYI parents.
Parents just so you know. It is highly important for the other set of parents to come into your home and visit with the children. Yes, in your home. Just a few times a year. The children want this and the children need this. And no they are not going to tell you this. It is something that we as parents need to do.
And Yes, it is very difficult to enter a home, that is not yours. A home that you always thought you were going to have with the other person living there. It is much harder for women to enter their ex-husband's home. Especially when the Ex- has remarried. I know I would not want to do it. But my children's needs should come before my own. They need to see me accepting their father's home. And vice-versa. It is extremely symbolic and healthy for the children to have each parent in the other's home.
It maintains the recognition of each household as a home. Children learn from example.
Yes?
Yes.
If a parent refuses to enter the other parent's home, What kind of message is this sending to your kids? Oh, Yes, go to Daddy's! You have so much fun over Daddy's. Daddy's home is your home too! Daddy has tried to make it nice for you. You go in....
But the parent has not yet entered the house????? This is a strange concept for kids.
It is important that the other people whom are helping you raise your children see where their children live the other half of the time. It makes the children feel more comfortable in their surroundings. Not to mention the elation the children feel when the other people in their lives see where and how they live. They feel more connected to you and will be willing to share more of their "other life" with you.
It is more acceptable for a new friend to come to the children's home more so than their other parent- How weird is that?
So next time the "other " parents drop-off the kids, invite them in and let them play with the kids in their surroundings.
And no you don't have to offer the others anything, and you don't have to make small talk with 'em.
Just let em be.
And Yes, it is very difficult to enter a home, that is not yours. A home that you always thought you were going to have with the other person living there. It is much harder for women to enter their ex-husband's home. Especially when the Ex- has remarried. I know I would not want to do it. But my children's needs should come before my own. They need to see me accepting their father's home. And vice-versa. It is extremely symbolic and healthy for the children to have each parent in the other's home.
It maintains the recognition of each household as a home. Children learn from example.
Yes?
Yes.
If a parent refuses to enter the other parent's home, What kind of message is this sending to your kids? Oh, Yes, go to Daddy's! You have so much fun over Daddy's. Daddy's home is your home too! Daddy has tried to make it nice for you. You go in....
But the parent has not yet entered the house????? This is a strange concept for kids.
It is important that the other people whom are helping you raise your children see where their children live the other half of the time. It makes the children feel more comfortable in their surroundings. Not to mention the elation the children feel when the other people in their lives see where and how they live. They feel more connected to you and will be willing to share more of their "other life" with you.
It is more acceptable for a new friend to come to the children's home more so than their other parent- How weird is that?
So next time the "other " parents drop-off the kids, invite them in and let them play with the kids in their surroundings.
And no you don't have to offer the others anything, and you don't have to make small talk with 'em.
Just let em be.
Fight or Flight.
Last night was good. This morning not so good.
Last night we went to pick up the youngest from his mom's to take him to scouts. But when we got there he sounded like he had a cold, and then he precedes to tell us that he stayed home from school. (?) Well we, try and make it a rule if you stay home from school because you are too sick then you must be too sick go to whatever function you have planned for that evening?
So my husband goes in to talk to the Ex, while the kids invite me in, to look at their rooms. I ask the Ex if this is ok and she replies "absolutely" (which I know it is killing her because the house was a wreck.) I would have hated anyone walking through my house that dirty so I totally felt for her.
Here is the thing-usually when I see her whether it be unexpectedly or planned. My adrenaline starts going crazy!!! It is a fight or flight kinda response. My hearts starts beating faster, and I feel as though I am aware of every sense I have about me.
But it didn't happen last night? I do not know why. Maybe because I was having a good hair day, or because I had my favorite jeans on. Or maybe because I got enjoyment out of the fact that the house was a wreck. Anyway it made me feel better.
But today- a different story. She emailed this morning. And as I read the email I can literally feel my adrenaline starting to rise. And I responded to the email. She responded back and yet the adrenaline increases throughout my body. And at this point I have no control and my body is now in fight mode. With her it is alway going into fight mode, never flight mode.
WTF??????? Why can't I control this. It has been two hours since I checked my email and I am still not calm enough to look at it. Go to flight mode, Go to flight mode, Go to flight mode
Needless to say- the Ex can get to me like no one else। She has done terrible things to my husband and will try and hurt him whenever she can। I feel the need to have all my facets about me when dealing with her. She is truly the most manipulative person I have ever met. And therefore I feel the need to be on-guard when dealing with this woman.
Lord..... hep-me.
Last night we went to pick up the youngest from his mom's to take him to scouts. But when we got there he sounded like he had a cold, and then he precedes to tell us that he stayed home from school. (?) Well we, try and make it a rule if you stay home from school because you are too sick then you must be too sick go to whatever function you have planned for that evening?
So my husband goes in to talk to the Ex, while the kids invite me in, to look at their rooms. I ask the Ex if this is ok and she replies "absolutely" (which I know it is killing her because the house was a wreck.) I would have hated anyone walking through my house that dirty so I totally felt for her.
Here is the thing-usually when I see her whether it be unexpectedly or planned. My adrenaline starts going crazy!!! It is a fight or flight kinda response. My hearts starts beating faster, and I feel as though I am aware of every sense I have about me.
But it didn't happen last night? I do not know why. Maybe because I was having a good hair day, or because I had my favorite jeans on. Or maybe because I got enjoyment out of the fact that the house was a wreck. Anyway it made me feel better.
But today- a different story. She emailed this morning. And as I read the email I can literally feel my adrenaline starting to rise. And I responded to the email. She responded back and yet the adrenaline increases throughout my body. And at this point I have no control and my body is now in fight mode. With her it is alway going into fight mode, never flight mode.
WTF??????? Why can't I control this. It has been two hours since I checked my email and I am still not calm enough to look at it. Go to flight mode, Go to flight mode, Go to flight mode
Needless to say- the Ex can get to me like no one else। She has done terrible things to my husband and will try and hurt him whenever she can। I feel the need to have all my facets about me when dealing with her. She is truly the most manipulative person I have ever met. And therefore I feel the need to be on-guard when dealing with this woman.
Lord..... hep-me.
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