Holidays, Are the first few years always a disappointment dad's??

The Holidays were always a disappointment when spending it at my dad's and my step-mom's.
It didn't matter if it was Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, or even my birthday, I still ended up being sad.

Sad because the basket didn't look right, (like my mom made at home), the presents were wrapped differently, (not like my mom would have done), the tree didn't have the "right' ornaments, (not like the Xmas tree we had at my mom's) the gifts were wrong, (because only my mom knew what I really wanted.)

What I really wanted were those very few years that I could remember my Mom, Dad, brother and I together for any of the holidays. Those memories and those memories alone. But growing up in blended family you tend to want to blame someone or something for not being able to have those long lost memories again. It is not the fact that you are growing up. It is not the fact that things are changing. Nothing has changed except for the divorce and the remarriages. SO it must be "the new family stuff" or "the step-mom" or "the step-dad".

My step-mom tried to make our holidays as memorable and as nice for us. She wanted us to be happy. She wanted us to have a good, happy memory. She tried. My dad tried too but she came closer to a "mom's touch". But it still wasn't good enough.

I guess that is all we want. We want the kids to feel and be happy.

The past few years the kids have spent Easter with us. Including Thanksgiving, Christmas and most of their birthdays. They have been grateful for the gifts and they have enjoyed themselves. But there is this little pang of disappointment that I can tell in each of them that tells me they would rather have their mother doing these things. And so do I. I would rather this too, because I know what it feels like. It could be the prettiest, coolest most awesome thing on the planet but only one can have the true mom's touch and when it isn't- well......... it's just not the same.

When we did our first couple of holidays together, I asked my Husband to tell me exactly what their mom did, where she would put things? How would she wrap it? What kinds of dishes did she do? What kind of baskets did she use? How much she would use? All the questions I asked. I was trying to prevent my own Step-kids from feeling that pang that I knew all so well. But nothing helps it. It just is what it is.

So now while I try to do whatever has almost always stayed the same, I still just let the rest of it go. They are going to feel what they feel regardless of what I do (or don't do). I do not take it personally. It is not personal.
Believe me, They will appreciate it much more down the road.

I know I do. I am so thankful of all that my Step-mom did and still continues to do all of those things to this day. She makes me feel so at home and so loved. (She even turns down my bed for me when I come home! This I love.)